Kids on the spectrum like control. They want it their way. It isn't so much selfishness as anxiety when things aren't as they are 'suppose to be.'
Enter cup of coffee.
I enjoy my cup of joe in the morning. In silence. With my Bible. It doesn't happen always but I am thankful when it does. Kid decided to get up this morning early. I walked into the living room...with my cup of coffee... to give him a rub on the back. He did not like that I had my coffee (he was afraid it would spill) and told me to move it. So I did.. and I left... with my coffee.
I was not doing this to be mean but we are working on establishing boundaries and not manufacturing our environment just so he won't melt down.
He indicated he wanted me to come back. I did. With my coffee and set it back on the table. When I turned around he grabbed the coffee to move it. It was full and you can guess what happened. Coffee everywhere. All over his toys.
So much for that relaxing cup of morning coffee. Meltdown before 8 am.
As we worked through all of this I was ruminating on many things that were happening this week, including many birthday festivites. He will be 12 tomorrow. I was making contingency plans in my brain for various things in case they didn't go as planned.
That was when God stopped me. He noted for me that this was no different than Andrew moving the cup of coffee. Andrew wanted control. I want control.
You see, during the meltdowns, Andrew will calm down and feel terrible. He said how he hates worry and he doesn't want to worry anymore. He relayed how he wants to be brave and not fearful. And those feelings are the same for me ... just not over cups of coffee. We want control.
And of course some planning and control is appropriate...but not when it translates to worry and fear. Plus perfect love drives out fear.
I think that is what God was showing me. That it isn't about JUST the control but about the fear. The What Ifs. I was able to go on a walk and I stared asking Him, or was He asking me, "what if I did give up control and not worry? What if I just made plans and let the chips fall where they may?"
And let God take care of it.