Courage

I think Emily Colson's book Dancing with Max has changed my thinking more than any other book on autism.  Probably because it is about love.  Emily has said that she got up finally one day and said, "I am going to live every day as if it is my last."  She continues to go out, and have successes..and failures but she goes out.  Here is a clip I found on youtube.  If you haven't read the book... at least listen to this short clip. But buy the book.



But I'm stuck.  What does that even look like?  Because today we could go to gymnastics.  If we go, AJ has to take off his implant and I will find myself jumping into the foam pit to get him out.  He may not reference as he needs to and he won't be able to hear.  And I will find myself running down the trampoline tumble track with my pants that don't fit quite right..and well..anything could happen.  And I'm trying to avoid the chiropractor this week.

I think that is what I struggle with...what should we do every day?   God did not make us to be hermits but on the flip side when the failures outnumber the successes you tend to follow the path of least resistance. Does God mean for me to go out today and get stressed?  Is the stress from myself or is it a 'lack of peace' and so should we stay home and relax.

So for today anyway, I started being very stressed over wanting to do something fun for the kid and yet not wanting to deal with the potential results.  I felt God saying, don't stress.  I am praying for a helper to go with us and I know that if we are suppose to go today He will provide one.  Maybe next month we can try it 'for sure.'

As I was noodling over this post before I published it, i was thinking of the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I was thinking maybe for me it goes like this:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I shouldn't go 'do'

courage to go do the things you want me to do;

and wisdom to know the difference.

I heard in a book or movie recently..."The safest place is in the center of God's will."  That is where I want to remain.  And I want grace to forgo those activities that are seemingly good but are not what God's plan is.  Several friends have tried to encourage me to step out more with Andrew..."I won't know unless I try."  I want to know if it is lack of courage that I am not stepping out or if it truly isn't God's timing and place.