Thursday, February 3, 2011

In case you are feeling a little bad....

We are always behind. I get that. But what about when you are behind the behind. It is especially stupid unwise to compare yourself to others within the special needs community. But alas, I find myself doing that.

I love it when someone with a special needs child who is trying to make you feel better says, "oh my Bobby wasn't potty trained until he was four." Yea...try six. And yet I know in saying this that there are those with even older autistic and special needs kids who are still in diapers and six would have been a blessing.


"Little Billy was a bit behind on his handwriting also! He didn't learn to write correctly with capitals and lower case until third grade." (We are in forth. Not there yet.)

The examples that have come up this week are not the potty and not the handwriting. But I do compare, feel bad, wonder if we should try YET again to work on handwriting, shoe tying, hand washing, sleeping alone.......

But there were things that I thought he would never do. In preschool the teacher tried to teach him how to put on his coat by putting it in front of him, putting in his arms and tossing it over his head. My husband said, "I can just see him at work in his cubicle doing that!" ROFL. But he finally got it..mostly.. and does it the 'normal' way now. We still help with "the bunchies."

We, as parents, have to toggle between doing too much for our children and they don't learn..or not doing enough and having frustration. We have to recognize that our children are on their own path.

In time we become comfortable with that....


The Glasers said...

Potty training 6.5 years old

Tying shoes 20 years old

Putting words together in a sentence so as to make sense . . . ongoing at 21 years old . . .

Debbi said...

Tying shoes - 7th grade - but it still takes an inordinate amount of time and he usually leaves his shoes tied and slides them on and off.

Potty training - depends on your definition - still the occasional issue at 17 - which he vigorously denies despite the evidence. Overnight dryness - 6th or 7th grade - isn't it odd that now I can't recall clearly when it was such a huge big deal?

Going to sleep alone - maybe 10 or 11?

Speech that anyone besides his immediate family can understand? A continual work in progress.

Everyone tells you not to compare...but some days, you just think you'll never be able to get to a degree of what I consider "normalcy"... and believe me...I've set the bar pretty low some days! Other days all I do is have angst about independence in adulthood.

HE thinks he IS normal for the most part and suggests perhaps I'm the one with issues :-)))

Now, THAT is a normal teen-ager!!!

Michelle Smith said...

Thanks for sharing that encouragement today. I still have to tie my 10 year old's shoes, and she still sometimes puts her shoes on the wrong feet. And we have bedwetting issues here as well. Everyone is on their own timetable, aren't they?

Michelle Smith said...

I've awarded you the Stylish Blogger award over on my blog! Congratulations!

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