Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Love actually....

I am sure you are mostly all aware of the 5 Love Languages. They are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch

If you don't know about these, check your local library for one of the books or peek at the above website. The reason this comes to mind is that a friend was discussing it on Facebook. She asked..what is your giving love language and what is your receiving love language? I think you can only have a receiving love language and the GOAL is to GIVE in the language of the other person! That is the objective. I often misstep..and miss the mark. Thank the Lord for grace in that matter. What do you think? Is there a giving and receiving love language? I could be way off here.

For grins, I just had Andrew take the kids' love language quiz on the above link. It was very easy and he picked between two options for 20 questions. No huge surprise... Quality Time. (There was a bit of insight I gained however, on individual questions and I highly recommend taking a few minutes with your kids to do it.) Mine isn't quality time. Thus.. I'm pretty burnt out. But that's another blog post. Still, for him to FEEL loved, I must give him quality time. Mine are words of affirmation and acts of service. So if you read this, feel free to check the box marked 'cool' so that I can be affirmed and feel loved.

The world is built around showing love with gifts. Birthdays, Christmas, heck even Easter kids get gifts now days. I KNOW one of my love language is acts of service because when Andrew was born the one thing I remember was my friend Jodi coming over and doing every stitch of laundry I had in the house. God bless you Jodi. (I don't even keep in touch with her but I know she will get a double helping of blessing for that one! Since I haven't kept in touch with her you know I am more of a 'thinker' than a 'feeler' and quality time is not my love language.) I also got tons of real 'stuff' for gifts..but that is the ONE I remember. It makes no difference that I currently don't have contact with her... I still feel the love.

Andrew just had his birthday. I am trying so hard to get him to write thank you cards. We may settle on a thank you video. Because Andrew is on the spectrum, he often speaks 'the truth.' So we talked ahead of the party about what you do if 1) you don't like the present and 2) you already have it. Friends knew to bring gift receipts but still I was working towards being polite. Friend Brenda bought Andrew a couple of really cool books and one he already had. He said, "That's OK. It is good to have two copies of the same book sometimes in case you loose it." Win-win. Honestly I should be less concerned about such things. It is good to teach a child to be polite but he is who he is.. and if there is a mis-step by him while he is trying his best then they will still love him!

When you give a matter which language.. it needs to come from the heart or it isn't a gift at all. Of course this is the goal...something we strive to do.. and even that is impossible without God.

disclaimer: I am not a therapist and don't play one on TV. I could be way off but my first boss told me, "perception is reality" and this is the way I perceive it.

1 comment:

Debbi said...

When Ian was about 6yo we worked with a therapist to help us get his behavior under control. It was the development of a rewards system...after we got into the swing of things, Ian got to select the rewards. Surprise, surprise...he didn't want "things" he wanted quality time...even if it was 15 minutes...time just for him with one of the parents. It was an eye opener. Of course, now that he's 17 - time AWAY from us would be his first choice :-) They are evolving creatures! Good blog Amy.

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